Irish Wedding News
10/12/2015
A new study has revealed that adults who are estranged from other family members find Christmas "difficult".
The report, Hidden Voices – Family Estrangement in Adulthood, has been compiled by the Centre for Family Research at the University of Cambridge and the charity Stand Alone, and focuses on family estrangement.
More than 800 individual's experiences were examined. These people said they were either estranged from their whole family, or a particular member of the family, such as their mother, father, or siblings.
The report aimed to provide an understanding of family estrangement and its characteristics, as well as looking at the challenges people face when living without contact with their family. Factors that contribute to a relationship breakdown with a key family member were found to include emotional abuse, different expectations about family roles and relationships, and a clash of personality and values.
The report, however, also stressed that estrangement does not always mean that there is no contact between family members. For example, a small number of participants have minimal contact with the person they are estranged from. Furthermore, estrangements are not always stable, and moving in and out of estrangement is not uncommon. Those who wished their estranged relationships could be different wanted a relationship that was more positive, unconditionally loving, warm and emotionally close.
In a majority of cases where respondents were estranged from an adult child, they said it was their son or daughter who had terminated contact with them. Meanwhile of those who had cut off contact with a parent had done so at different ages – with a majority initiating estrangement in their late 20s and early 30s.
The Christmas period is said to be the most challenging time for those affected by family estrangement, with 90% of respondents saying they found the festive holidays as a key time of challenge. Other challenging times were said to be birthdays (85%), being around other families (81%) and the death of family members (79%).
Elsewhere, stigma was still said to surround the topic of family estrangement. In fact, 68% felt there was stigma around the topic of family estrangement and described feeling judged and feeling as if they were contradicting societal expectations. One in four admitted they had turned to their GP for support, but found they were not helpful.
It wasn't all negative from the report though, as some four in five respondents felt there had been some positive outcomes of their experiences of estrangement, such as greater feelings of freedom and independence.
Dr Lucy Blake, Centre for Family Research, University of Cambridge, said: "Almost every estranged person finds Christmas the hardest period. There's a strong societal expectation of what a family looks like.
"Social media plays a part too because it's a highlight reel of people's family lives, with Facebook feeds filled with pictures of families celebrating together. The reality doesn't always look like this, but people often find it difficult to talk about that."
Becca Bland, Chief Executive, Stand Alone, added: "Family is a huge part of our individual and collective lives and an unconditionally loving, supportive group of relations is idealised in society. Yet this is not always attainable for those who are estranged from their family or a family member.
"I'm sure this research will be challenging to read, but I'm hopeful that as a society we have the strength to keep listening to people in this position, with the view to eventually understanding why our adult family relationships are not always as unconditionally close and supportive as we might wish and imagine them to be."
The report can be found here.
(JP/LM)
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Estranged Family Members 'Find Christmas Hard'
A new study has revealed that adults who are estranged from other family members find Christmas "difficult".
The report, Hidden Voices – Family Estrangement in Adulthood, has been compiled by the Centre for Family Research at the University of Cambridge and the charity Stand Alone, and focuses on family estrangement.
More than 800 individual's experiences were examined. These people said they were either estranged from their whole family, or a particular member of the family, such as their mother, father, or siblings.
The report aimed to provide an understanding of family estrangement and its characteristics, as well as looking at the challenges people face when living without contact with their family. Factors that contribute to a relationship breakdown with a key family member were found to include emotional abuse, different expectations about family roles and relationships, and a clash of personality and values.
The report, however, also stressed that estrangement does not always mean that there is no contact between family members. For example, a small number of participants have minimal contact with the person they are estranged from. Furthermore, estrangements are not always stable, and moving in and out of estrangement is not uncommon. Those who wished their estranged relationships could be different wanted a relationship that was more positive, unconditionally loving, warm and emotionally close.
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In a majority of cases where respondents were estranged from an adult child, they said it was their son or daughter who had terminated contact with them. Meanwhile of those who had cut off contact with a parent had done so at different ages – with a majority initiating estrangement in their late 20s and early 30s.
The Christmas period is said to be the most challenging time for those affected by family estrangement, with 90% of respondents saying they found the festive holidays as a key time of challenge. Other challenging times were said to be birthdays (85%), being around other families (81%) and the death of family members (79%).
Elsewhere, stigma was still said to surround the topic of family estrangement. In fact, 68% felt there was stigma around the topic of family estrangement and described feeling judged and feeling as if they were contradicting societal expectations. One in four admitted they had turned to their GP for support, but found they were not helpful.
It wasn't all negative from the report though, as some four in five respondents felt there had been some positive outcomes of their experiences of estrangement, such as greater feelings of freedom and independence.
Dr Lucy Blake, Centre for Family Research, University of Cambridge, said: "Almost every estranged person finds Christmas the hardest period. There's a strong societal expectation of what a family looks like.
"Social media plays a part too because it's a highlight reel of people's family lives, with Facebook feeds filled with pictures of families celebrating together. The reality doesn't always look like this, but people often find it difficult to talk about that."
Becca Bland, Chief Executive, Stand Alone, added: "Family is a huge part of our individual and collective lives and an unconditionally loving, supportive group of relations is idealised in society. Yet this is not always attainable for those who are estranged from their family or a family member.
"I'm sure this research will be challenging to read, but I'm hopeful that as a society we have the strength to keep listening to people in this position, with the view to eventually understanding why our adult family relationships are not always as unconditionally close and supportive as we might wish and imagine them to be."
The report can be found here.
(JP/LM)
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